[holding on]

i slept at 7am this morning. and just woke up only now. and i'm still feeling so sleepy. i was at dbl o yesterday night, together with esth, WN and GR. it's been a long time since i went clubbing. i met alot of old friends. and drank so much. i saw bern, and she kept on talking about EJ so much i really want her to shut up, very much. ya, so what is she trying to prove? i'm beginning to let go of him, and i feel so happy with myself. though, i'm still tormented over KJ. but it's really not so bad after yesterday. coz i realised, there are still guys out there, who bother to look at me, and talk to me. i confronted KJ few days ago, and there is still no final closure. the problem with men, is they will try to avoid whenever they can, but what women want is a clear-cut conclusion. GR is still driving madly as ever. after dbl o last night, all of us went up his place. i just discovered that he's an extreme clean-freak. i couldn't find a single dust in his house, and he couldn't stop wiping and spraying freshener everytime we smoke. freaky. and i thought i was already bad enough. he's so much worse. GR told esth, that he feels he doesn't stand a chance coz i don't give a damn about him at all. i'm not trying to be a snob or something, i don't want to give him any wrong idea. or give myself any chance, of falling too deep into another mirage. i heard from WN, that suz still calls GR often. it makes me afraid, to even think, of getting involved with GR, cuz i wouldn't want to make the same mistake i did with KJ. and what's more, [i still love you].

May 23, 2002 - 4:12 pm