[i don't belong]

today is my grandma's 75th birthday. she celebrated at aranda country club. when i turned up at the suite, the faces i saw, were strangers to me. i realised just how long it had been since i last met up with my family. i saw my brother, we talked less than five sentences. i did not see my mum and dad. my grandma said i looked very pale and sick, and i should eat more. and i thought i've already been eating too much. my baby cousin looked at me and asked, "who are you?" [i need to know the answer too.] the food was too much, the cake was too sweet, and the beer was not chilled enough. the people were too happy, the tv was too tiny, and i was too quiet. i get alot of questions like, "how's your parents doing?" [i would like to know too, uncle bill.] "how's your work?" [fine. i gamble just anything everyday. sometimes i win sometimes i lose, auntie lily.] "you've lost weight, take care of your health." [don't worry, auntie jo, i pop crack every now and then, i smoke weed everyday, and i drink all night long.] "how's your boyfriend doing? is he too busy to come?" [oh ya, he's a very busy man. he's a wanted criminal and he's in hiding now.] i left at 10pm and i was feeling pathetic. KJ just called me and said he's coming over my place now. just cuz he wanna watch soccer. [fuck you]

*[words in bracket] = i wished i could say out loud.

May 06, 2002 - 12:28 am