[realising]

last night, friday, i was at flor's place. it's really funny how everytime we are at her place, we couldn't stop laughing all night long. flor, JM and YF, we were almost crazy. everyone's got a job, except me. i'm at a loss, towards where i'm heading to. i am uncertain, about what i want to do, with my life, and everything. i am afraid of my future. because when i look at myself and my lifestyle, i realise that i have no future. no matter what i do, my future will turn out to be a nightmare. i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't. it fucking sucks. i don't like the idea that i'm not in control of my own life. KJ called me early in the morning, he even asked me out in the evening, it was something really unexpected. i couldn't even remember when was the last time we actually went out on a date. but i rejected. what's the point of pretending to be in love, when you know you will never be the one for him.

May 18, 2002 - 12:49 am