[running on empty]

all of a sudden, my life took on a great change, in juz a matter of a few days time. i was naive to think that i can rely on KJ. he can take my mind off EJ.. who broke my heart so deeply. the one, who i will never forget. the one, who i still think of now. the one, who i miss so much. i'm with KJ now, at first, i thought for only company. perhaps, we can have some happy moments together. but it seems like, things are getting worse. it was a terrible mistake to get involved with a man who doesn't give a damn about anything except himself. what was i thinking that i could find happiness and comfort in such a guy? he was worse than EJ. im very unhappy lately. everyday, i woke up feelin' sorry for myself. today is the 100th day of J's death. alot of things juz can't be the same anymore. i've lost all my strength suddenly, and i feel so weak. i want to do something about my life. but i'm drained of energy, all burnt-out. why am i always left alone, feelin' so helpless. where do i find peace. i realise one thing. eventually, everyone has to leave. J did. he was only 23 turning 24. what are we searchin' for in life? what will happen even if we've achieved what we wanted? the things that i hold on to.. eventually will lose their meaning.

April 25, 2002 - 8:26 pm